I had expected the sun to burn my skin,
And for the wind to chill my bones.
I was sure the earth would crumble,
And that the sea would swallow me whole.
But when I looked to the stars, I defiantly hoped that me and the moon would find a reason for this all.
But reasons are like seasons, they constantly change.
And the seasons of last year, like reasons, have floated away.
So you have chosen aloneness. You have chosen the security and the relative freedom of solitude, because there is no risk involved. You can stay up every night and watch your TV shows and eat ice cream out of the box and scroll through your Tumblr and never let your brain sit still, not even for a moment. You can fill your days up with books and coffees and trips to the store where you forget what you wanted the second you walk in the automatic sliding door. You can do so many little, pointless things throughout the day that all you can think of is how badly you want to sleep, how heavy your whole body is, how much your feet hurt. You can wear yourself out again and again on the pavement, and you do, and it feels good.
No one will ever bridge that gap and point to your stomach or your hair or your eyes in the mirror and magically make you see the wonderful things about getting to be next to you. And maybe that’s it, after all, this fear that no one will ever truly feel about you the way you want to be felt about. Maybe what you want is someone to make you love yourself, to put sense into all that positive rhetoric, to make it so the aloneness of TV and blasting music in your ears at all times isn’t the most happy place you can think of. Maybe you want someone who makes you so sure of how wonderful things are that you cannot help but to tell them your feelings first, even at the risk of being humiliated. Because you will know that, when you’re telling them you love them, what you’re really saying is “I love who I become when I am with you.
And it’s been hours now
To be here like this
And just to lay you down
And just to taste your lips
And just to keep me up
God, I’m tired of sleeping
And just to lay inside you
And just to know this feeling
I wanna feel through you tonight
But I won’t make you
“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”—Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist (via littlemiss)
"You have to be willing to sacrifice what you are for what you’re going to become."